Many of my high school crushes were unrequited. I felt everything so deeply, and it cut me to the bone when my crushes weren’t interested in me. That never stopped me from putting myself out there and professing my feelings, often with awkward and over-enthusiastic gestures. Perhaps the objects of my affection were right ignore me, especially when I thought pretending to be a mime would make them want me. But in my mind, it was better to have tried and failed to make them see me than to drown in hormones and angst wondering if they knew I existed.
My teen-angst fueled many messy poems. The following poem was written at age fourteen. As you may be able to tell, I thought rhymes were pretty cool back then.
Chains Of My Heart I wish I'd been born free, but it couldn't be that easy. Instead I was born with your chains around my heart. Love has been cruel and merciless from above, And you torture me and tease me. I've had enough. I'm yours to play with and I don't like it at all. My heart strings are all tangled, how much further must I fall? I can bear the pain no longer, if I must I will surely die, Lock myself in a corner where I will curl up and lie. As much as you get your fun from hurting me, and you get your kicks from all the pain you see. I am like a bird and I need to be set free. Release me, please.
After high school, things began to change – with the social hierarchy of cool kids, jocks and dorks like me a thing of the past, there was plenty of reciprocation. Each unrequited crush from my teen years, however, has never been forgotten. It’s formed a large library of angst to call on when writing, and I have written several stories where the heroine’s feelings are finally returned and pain and heartbreak end with a happy ever after.